Liveblogging Buffy: Season 1, Episodes 6 & 7

(previously on Buffy)

Episode 6: The Pack

  • 11:45 PM, 3/11/13

I should be working on scripts or my assignment for class (which happens to involve watching television) BUT FUCK IT

(that means I’m gonna start liveblogging Buffy)

  • 11:46 PM, 3/11/13

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……………

what

  • 11:48 PM, 3/11/13

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oh lord

  • 11:52 PM, 3/11/13

wait, EOIN BAILEY?!

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webster, no

don’t be a super-doucher

  • 11:55 PM, 3/11/13

ok, buffy

normally i wouldn’t condone bullying

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but with that neckerchief, you’re really kinda asking for it

  • 11:57 PM, 3/11/13

d’aw, Xander and Willow are matching

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how adorably gross

  • 12:00 AM, 3/12/13

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here we see the solitary nerd in his natural habitat

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he is unawares of the predators coming his way – they have picked him since he is separated from the herd. they signal they are dangerous with their obnoxiously pastel shirts and loud plaid pants

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the nerd panics, and looks for mercy

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but the jaw-line of the pack leader is merciless

  • 12:05 AM, 3/12/13

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augh, them standing next to each other is like a study in The Disparities Of Human Genetics

  • 12:07 AM, 3/12/13

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i’m gonna say it again:

oh lord

  • 12:10 AM, 3/12/13

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um, guys?

much like you don’t let a child just shove its finger into a socket, you don’t let Xander “take care of a problem”

  • 12:12 AM, 3/12/13

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oh hai, Dr Knows A Lot Of Foreshadowing Facts About Hyenas

TELL US MORE ABOUT THE MIGHTY HYENA

  • 12:15 AM, 3/12/13

oh, I’m sorry

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apparently this guy’s actual PhD is in bullshit because HYENAS DO NOT LEARN PEOPLE’S NAMES

DID YOU GO TO AN ANIMAL SCHOOL THAT WAS RUN BY YOUR DRUNK GRANDMA?! WHAT THE FUCK

  • 12:17 AM, 3/12/13

no, seriously

that hyena speech was one of the most insane things I have ever heard

that is something that comes out of the mouth of that guy who sits outside of subway and keeps telling me draco malfoy is sending him carrier pigeons

GIRLS

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STOP SHARING LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE GETTING REAL INFORMATION

HYENAS DO NOT EAT PEOPLE BY CALLING THEIR NAMES OUT AT NIGHT

JESUS VAMPIRE-SLAYING CHRIST

  • 12:20 AM, 3/12/13

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i can’t

  • 12:23 AM, 3/12/13

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oh good, this place

I was starting to think this show had more than 3 shooting locations

  • 12:27 AM, 3/12/13

so far, we’ve learned that hyena demons:

  • have glowing green eyes
  • make people laugh a lot at stupid shit
  • make people hate bread
  • make people notice other people’s bathing patterns

hyena demons and I have a lot in common

  • 12:30 AM, 3/12/13

okay, whoa


Eoin Bailey and Xander are totally eyefucking each other across the club

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  • 12:35 AM, 3/12/13

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Giles, you are terrified and it is ADORABLE

  • 12:37 AM, 3/12/13

a new contender for Cutest Thing In This Episode has arrived

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  • 12:38 AM, 3/12/13

they better not kill this fucking pig

  • 12:40 AM, 3/12/13

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Xander, your new style and your new boyfriend are hot, BUT DO NOT BE MEAN TO WILLOW

APPARENTLY HYENA DEMONS ARE BAGS OF DICKS

  • 12:42 AM, 3/12/13

oh my god

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Willow crying is like getting punched in the face with a pillow made of EMOTIONS

  • 12:44 AM, 3/12/13

xander, if you eat that pig, we are DONE

  • 12:45 AM, 3/12/13

GODDAMNIT

THEY ATE THE FUCKING PIG

HERBERT, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

  • 12:50 AM, 3/12/13

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 i had to take a moment to mourn

  • 12:55 AM, 3/12/13

“Noah rejected hyenas from the arc since he thought they were an evil mixture of dogs and cats.”

then explain this, Noah

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explain this

  • 12:57 AM, 3/12/13

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I didn’t realize the velociraptors from Jurassic Park ate Herbert

jesus

  • 1:00 AM, 3/12/13

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well this just took a jump from creepy to full-on sexual assault

please beat his ass, Buffy

  • 1:03 AM, 3/12/13

OH MY GOD ARE THEY EATING PRINCIPAL FLUTEY?!?!?!

  • 1:10 AM, 3/12/13

they totally ate principal flutey

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  • 1:13 AM, 3/12/13

oh yes, let’s employ the help of the crazy bananapants zookeeper from the beginning of the episode

his weird theories on hyenas were NOT SUSPICIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST

  • 1:15 AM, 3/12/13

okay lady, you totally don’t deserve to be eaten by hyena demons

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but who the FUCK throws their baby into a backpack and is like “I THINK MIDNIGHT IS A PERFECT TIME TO GO FOR A WALK THROUGH THAT ABANDONED PARK”

  • 1:20 AM, 3/12/13

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WILLOW, THOSE KEYS ARE NOT PROPERLY INSIDE YOUR POCKET

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WILLOW NO

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WILLOW

  • 1:22 AM, 3/12/13

Willow, you were testing him

you tricky little minx

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  • 1:26 AM, 3/12/13

oh, so the dude who thinks hyenas not only can TALK but can LEARN PEOPLE’S NAMES is incredulous about hyena demons

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oh, Dr Bullshit, you are now in competition with Angel for being the worst

  • 1:28 AM, 3/12/13

oop, spoke too soon

apparently Dr Cuckoo is 100% BEHIND THE HYENA DEMON THEORY

WELP

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SCIENCE OR WHATEVER, I GUESS

  • 1:30 AM, 3/12/13

wait, he knows what a fucking transpossession is?!

this guy is so suspicious!

BUFFY, GILES, WHY ARE YOU TRUSTING THE KOOKY HYENA LOVER WHO IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS HAD ACCESS TO THE HYENAS AND IS WEIRDLY OBSESSED WITH HYENAS

  • 1:33 AM, 3/12/13

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my, my


Giles, YOU LOOK SO DAPPER WHAT HAPPENED

  • 1:35 AM, 3/12/13

OH, WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT

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THE FUCKING WEIRDO IS THE FUCKING WEIRDO

HOWEVER COULD WE HAVE FORESEEN THIS TURN OF EVENTS

  • 1:37 AM, 3/12/13

Giles

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seriously

why is this taking you so long to figure out

aren’t you, like, a book genius or something

  • 1:40 AM, 3/12/13

WILLOW

HOW ARE YOU NOT PIECING THIS TOGETHER EITHER

GILES IS GONE AND THIS GUY HAS NOT OFFERED ANY EXPLANATION AS TO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

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  • 1:41 AM, 3/12/13

willow, did you honestly let that strange man tie your wrists together

willow

why

  • 1:45 AM, 3/12/13

and so Dr Bullshit died as he lived

creepy and surrounded by hyenas

  • 1:46 AM, 3/12/13

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a man your age should not be this precious

  • 1:50 AM, 3/12/13

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aw, our giant dork is back

  • 1:55 AM, 3/12/13

oh wait

XANDER REMEMBERS

whoooooa, way to not own up to the sexual assault, dude

also, that totally means those other kids remember eating Flutey

awkwaaaaaaaard

  • 2:00 AM, 3/12/13

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oh yay, look who’s back

but I think I am calling it a night on the liveblogging front. That episode was fun, gross and stupid, and it took me a ridiculous amount of time to get through the whole thing


Episode 7: Angel

  • 10:45 PM, 3/15/13

I just realized the title of this episode is “Angel”

oh man oh man

will we finally learn why Angel is SO MYSTERIOUS?!?!

stay tuned

  • 10:47 PM, 3/15/13

‘eyyyy, Rita’s back!

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sup, rita? How’s Dexter? Someone spoiled what happens to you on that show, so I’m kinda sad to see your face

  • 10:52 PM, 3/15/13

okay, no

TEENAGE GIRLS ARE NOT WILLING TO PICK UP COCKROACHES WITH THEIR BARE HANDS

ESPECIALLY NOT FOR NONALCOHOLIC DRINKS

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  • 10:55 PM, 3/15/13

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holy hair metal band, batman

  • 10:58 PM, 3/15/13

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aw, how nice of Freddie Mercury to bartend from beyond the grave

  • 11:00 PM, 3/15/13

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……

I’ll take “Things That Are Not A Thing” for 500, Alex

  • 11:03 PM, 3/15/13

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d’aw, Buffy’s sad

y so sad, Buffster?

  • 11:05 PM, 3/15/13

“When he is here, it’s like the lights dim everywhere else.”

-Buffy on Angel

that kinda sounds like a stroke, dude

  • 11:10 PM, 3/15/13

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xander, that is not dancing

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xander

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no

  • 11:13 PM, 3/15/13

here comes the creeper train

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woo wooooooooo

  • 1:15 PM, 3/15/13

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this has to be my favorite random pause so far

  • 11:20 PM, 3/15/13

WAIT WAIT WAIT

HOLD THE PHONE

Angel just waltzed into Buffy’s house without an invite! Is that not a thing for vampires in this universe?

  • 11:21 PM, 3/15/13

ANGEL JUST SAID VAMPIRES CAN’T COME IN IF THEY’RE NOT INVITED

WHAT

IS HE SOME SORT OF SUPER SPECIAL VAMPIRE

  • 11:22 PM, 3/15/13

My friend just asked:

Once you get invited, you can come in whenever you want. Unless he hasn’t been invited yet? I haven’t watched series 1 in years.

HE HAS NOT BEEN INVITED YET

I CALL TOMFOOLERY

  • 11:30 PM, 3/15/13

Buffy’s been taking lessons on “how to leer at people without them realizing it”

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I’m starting to think she and Angel are meant for each other

  • 11:32 PM, 3/15/13

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that’s funny…

if you were to ask me who on this show would totally have a pretentious douche tattoo that forms the character’s name in a stupid, stupid way, I totally would have said giles

  • 11:36 PM, 3/15/13

Let’s paraphrase this conversation

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Buffy: “How did you pop up so fast when I was attacked by that hair metal band? Also, why were they randomly wearing armor?”

Angel: “HAHA WHAT I JUST LIVE AROUND HERE IT’S NOT LIKE I’M STALKING YOU OR ANYTHING”

Buffy: “…No one said anything about stalking.”

Angel: “NO YOU ARE”

Buffy: “What?”

Angel: “OH NO LOOKS LIKE YOUR MOM’S HOME HAHAiloveyouHAHAHAHA BYE”

  • 11:40 PM, 3/15/13

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“Sup, Buffy? I thought it’d be cool to meet your mom for some reason.”

  • 11:42 PM, 3/15/13

In Buffy’s Mom’s head:

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“Angel, huh? I guess I won’t be concerned, seeing as that’s the name of a twink porn star.”

  • 11:45 PM, 3/15/13

This time, on CANON? OR FANFICTION?

“Two of us, one bed. That doesn’t work.”

  • 11:47 PM, 3/15/13

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how I Love Lucy of them

shit’s gonna get awkward when the sun comes up and he’s all “AHHHH I’M ON FIRE SINCE I’M BASICALLY A DEMON”

  • 11:50 PM, 3/15/13

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In my head, I always imagine a Seinfeld-esque, Kramer-style greeting of applause every time Giles appears on screen

  • 11:53 PM, 3/15/13

okay, so for really real question time:

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is Harry Potter here actually a vampire or is he just some fucked up little kid? How does one become The Anointed One? I mean, the only backstory I got for him is that a) he once had a mom and b) he liked airplanes.

Also he knows words like “annihilate” which is weird because when i was his age, the biggest words I knew were “more” and “cake”

  • 11:56 PM, 3/15/13

“For with power, comes responsibility.”

BOOOOO

10 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN FOR STEALING LINES FROM STAN LEE

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  • 12:00 AM, 3/16/13

Oh, giles

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you are as adorable as a kitten’s bottom, but no

  • 12:02 AM, 3/16/13

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OH MY GOD HE LOOKS LIKE A TOPPLED-OVER PENGUIN

  • 12:05 AM, 3/16/13

so Angel was apparently just hanging out in her room all day

chillaxing behind some curtains

  • 12:08 AM, 3/16/13

Annnnnd Buffy just handed him a gallon-sized ziplock bag full of “dinner” and now they’re just standing there all awkwardly

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it’s like they knew my courtship techniques in high school

  • 12:13 AM, 3/16/13

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shit just got reeeeeeeal awkward due to Buffy revealing her massive lady boner for Angel

  • 12:15 AM, 3/16/13

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I know I should probably find this romantic or whatever, but Angel was just like “I’M SUPER OLD, LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW OLD I AM” and now they’re making out and Buffy’s gonna get stabbed by one of his gel-encrusted hair spikes

  • 12:17 AM, 3/16/13

Angel

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that is no way to deal with a boner

  • 12:20 AM, 3/16/13

It’s okay, Buffy

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if I had a dollar for every time a boy freaked out and jumped through a window in order to avoid making out with me, I’d…

have $7

  • 12:22 AM, 3/16/13

Buffy: *screams because Angel turned into a demonic cabbage patch kid and jumped through the window like a weirdo*

Mrs Buffy’s Mom: Buffy, what happened?

Buffy: Nothing, I saw a shadow.

Mrs Buffy’s Mom: That’s okay dear, sometimes I scream at stupid things too. Like the other day I was all “AHHHH!” because I saw this avocado and I thought it was a grenade.

  • 12:25 AM, 3/16/13

Xander

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it’s like you’re involved in the World’s Ugliest Shirt contest but you’re the only contestent

  • 12:28 AM, 3/16/13

I love these little interludes where Cordelia is just horrible

I feel like it really brings the focus back to the fact that the true evil in this world is not vampires

It’s teenage girls

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  • 12:33 AM, 3/16/13

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Rita keeps talking about Angel thirsting for blood, but I think what she really means is sweet teenage poonanie

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  • 12:37 AM, 3/16/13

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“Dear Diary,

Buffy kissed me. With tongue. And it was, like, slammin’ but then I got a boner and like an IDIOT I was all ‘PHWAAAAR I’M A VAMPIRE’ which was super bogus.

I’m such an doofus.

And of course she starts screaming, which is like the ultimate erection rejection so I bounced.

Like literally out the window. I’m glad it was open. I don’t want to repeat that mistake again.
Then I came home and Rita was all blah blah blah curse blah blah and it’s like, bro, I came to my brood cave for a reason.

Sometimes life is just the opposite of gnarly, diary.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥,

Angel”

  • 12:40 AM, 3/16/13

Okay, I love the female characters in this show but Buffy and Willow are HARDCORE FAILING the Bechdel test right now

STOP TALKING ABOUT BOYS

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YOU BOTH HAVE CRUSHES ON MORONS

  • 12:42 AM, 3/16/13

Okay, Buffy’s mom

you obviously skipped Not Getting Murdered 101 with Willow

if you hear a weird noise outside?

DON’T OPEN THE DOOR TO INVESTIGATE

  • 12:45 AM, 3/16/13

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if watching shit about vampires has taught me anything

it’s that you should never invite anyone into anything ever

  • 12:50 AM, 3/16/13

Angel

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don’t suck your girlfriend’s mom’s blood

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that’s fucked up on several levels

  • 12:51 AM, 3/16/13

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you gotta get those boners in check, buddy

  • 12:53 AM, 3/16/13

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this is reaching a Three’s Company level of misunderstanding

next Xander’s gonna have to pretend he’s gay for some reason and *insert another reference to Three’s Company that I’d know if I’d ever watched past the theme song*

  • 1:00 AM, 3/16/13

I love how Giles just keeps showing up places and Buffy’s mom is like “WOW YOUR SCHOOL IS SO INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE, HONEY HOW NICE”

not like

“why is this middle-aged dude following you everywhere”

A+ parenting

  • 1:07 AM, 3/16/13

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…this is way less intense when you already know there’s a spin-off show called Angel

  • 1:10 AM, 3/16/13

so Angel has a soul, huh

he’s like a perfect storm of angst

and we’re all George Clooney, just caught in the riptide

  • 1:13 AM, 3/16/13

ooh, PLOT TWIST

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RITA AND ANGEL USED TO DO THE VAMPIRE NASTY

  • 1:15 AM, 3/16/13

“Heard anything from Angel?”

“No, it’s weird though… I feel like he’s still watching me.”

I think that’s a safe bet

  • 1:19 AM, 3/16/13

oh my god

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when they made out, the cross he gave her burned his chest

part of me is like “whoa, legit tragic” and the other part of me is like “button up your goddamn shirt, this isn’t a disco club from the 70’s”

2 thoughts on “Liveblogging Buffy: Season 1, Episodes 6 & 7

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