when I was a kid and we got to the portion of our curriculum about states, I would always get irrationally angry about living in maryland
because when you live in Maryland, you gotta draw Maryland
and, jesus, Maryland is a stupidly-shaped state
I mean, look at it:
try drawing that when you’re eight years old
try drawing that NOW
it’s probably the most stupidly-shaped state in the union
i mean, Massachusetts is stupid too, but it kinda makes sense since it’s got all the islands and shit
plus that little jetty makes it look like it’s angrily shaking its fist at England, which is appropriate
it’s like it’s still going PUT YA TEA UP YA ASSES, YA PUSSIES
but maryland, COME ON
like we couldn’t give this bit to Delaware?
it literally looks like whoever shaped the states didn’t know how to put together puzzle pieces
it makes maryland seem like an asshole
like, oh hey delaware, we know this part would fit you perfectly and then you’d have a some of the bay and none of the rest of the state gives a shit about eastern maryland but haha JAY KAY HAVE FUN WITH YOUR OUTLET MALLS
like, jesus, why not make Delaware a little less pointless
i mean, god, LOOK AT IT
SOMETIMES DELAWARE JUST MAKES ME SAD
and then there’s this bit:
like WHAT WHY
that little skinny bit? is LITERALLY 1.8 MILES WIDE
YOU COULD HAVE A POGO-STICK RACE ACROSS IT AND NOT GET WINDED
DID PENNSYLVANIA PAY US SO THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TO TOUCH WEST VIRGINIA?!
WE GET IT, GUYS. NO ONE LIKES WEST VIRGINIA
THERE’S A REASON WHY THEY COULD FILM DELIVERANCE THERE AND NO ONE WOULD BE MAD
but guess what, bitches, YOUR PLAN DIDN’T FUCKING WORK BECAUSE WEST VIRGINIA IS SHAPED STUPID TOO
that little extended bit is basically a middle finger to Pennsylvania
that’s west virginia’s way of saying SUCK IT, AMISH
(on a side note, don’t go into that middle finger)
(seriously)
and then there’s that creepy little arm, tickling maryland’s armpit
sometimes i feel like west virginia is the haggis of states
it’s just filled with all the bits none of the other states wanted
ANYWAY, FUCK YOU MARYLAND
like oH HAY, DRAWING ME WON’T BE HARD, LOOK AT ALL THESE STRAIGHT LINES
so smoooooth
so eeeeeeeeeeeeeasy
then BAM
FUCK YOU, TINY CHILD HANDS
TRY TO DRAW THIS:
HAPPY CARPAL TUNNEL, ASSHOLES
….okay, I’m done