Why White People Suck: Thanksgiving

turkey

“I fucking hate this holiday.”

Only white people would pretend that in a history full of exploitation, horror, and murder that something like Thanksgiving represents our relationship with American Indians.

Thanksgiving should really be called “HAPPY SMALLPOX BLANKETS DAY, NATIVE AMERICANS. HOPE YOU LIKE THE DESERT BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE WE’RE SENDING YOU. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE CASINOS.”

Also, our romanticizing of the pilgrims is epically fucked. These people found England not conservative enough. England. The place that invented Colin Firth and all the other tight-lipped British types. The place that couldn’t cry until Princess Di died. That’s hundreds of years of repression. AND THE PILGRIMS THOUGHT IT WASN’T ENOUGH.

Anyway, white people need to stop pretending that Thanksgiving was a happy day and dressing our children up in epically fucked representations of American Indians. Let’s all just eat until we puke and hang out with people we don’t really like. That’s what Thanksgiving is really about.

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