Why White People Suck: We Couldn’t Come Up With A Numerical System That Wasn’t Completely Useless

You might think that those pretty little numbers on your keyboard are part of your ancestry, whitey, but GUESS WHAT? They aren’t. Not by a long shot.


Meet the Roman Numerals! Why make separate symbols for numbers when you can just reuse those pesky letters that are just hanging about, being lazy. Especially that X. All it ever does is connotate naughtiness, and even that requires three of them.

But do you see this asinine bullshit? This was the way we white people counted. For years (or at least for years when we COULD count… therefore minus that whole “Dark Ages” time period). It makes no fucking sense. I mean, there’s a reason why no one ever knows what fucking number Super Bowl it is when you see all those X’s and L’s and fucking V’s flash across the screen. It is stupid.

So what did we do? We went on a little jaunt called the Crusades and picked up a new numerical system that wasn’t so ass-backwards stupid. Yes. That’s right. Your precious little numbers are ARABIC and INDIAN and OH NO YOUR DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM IS LOOKING PRETTY DAMN ISLAMO-FACIST TO YOU NOW, ISN’T IT?


It’s like all the 9’s are suddenly wearing turbans and trying to get on a plane with you, right? ARE YOU AFRAID OF YOUR CALCULATOR YET?

So suck on that, white people. And don’t try to go back to using the Roman numerals or else you’re going to have to start referencing an abacus and no one wants to see that.


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