Hot Mess Reviews: Prometheus

note: hot mess reviews is done “stream of consciousness” style, often immediately after seeing the movie

Things I learned from Prometheus:

(mad spoilers ahead)

  • don’t trust creatures that resemble human genitalia (geoducks, I’m looking at you)
  • don’t let dicks build robots. They will also probably turn out to be dicks
  • don’t be “that guy” who reaches out to an alien life form and coos at it before being surprised that it eats your face
  • don’t have sex on alien planets
  • don’t taunt androids and then take the drinks they offer you
  • don’t be Ridley Scott’s parents (I hope they are not alive anymore because, damn, man)
  • don’t trust anyone when they say that your unborn fetus is “unconventional”
  • don’t break off from the main party because you WILL get lost, even if you’re the dude who brought along the things that are mapping out the entire structure you’re stuck in
  • don’t stick your fingers into random substances like a jackass
  • gentle caresses can sometimes result in your head being ripped off
  • flamethrowers are not 100% effective
  • emergency c-sections are somehow worse in the future
  • always be Idris Elba because you will always be cool no matter what you are doing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s