(previously on Buffy)

Episode 10: Nightmares

• 10:30 PM, 4/7/13

I have made an important discovery:

apparently on amazon you can buy 2 lbs of live earthworms

that’s around 1000 earthworms

….which obviously means I could buy 2 lbs of earthworms and anonymously send them to someone

• 10:32 PM, 4/7/13

• 10:35 PM, 4/7/13

buffy, I feel like you should 100% not be in this sex dungeon

(these dark screencaps look like hot garbage so you’ll just have to trust me: she is totally in a weird sex dungeon)

• 10:37 PM, 4/7/13

I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that, seeing as this episode is called “Nightmares” then probably a lot of this shit is a dream

• 10:43 PM, 4/7/13

okay, I’m sorry

but those lacy pillows look mad uncomfortable

you’d wake up with lines and shit all over your face

• 10:45 PM, 4/7/13

OH SHIT

WE HAVE A MENTION OF MR. BUFFY’S DAD

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

• 10:49 PM, 4/7/13

YAAAY

MY FAVORITE TEENAGE NARCISSIST!

• 10:53 PM, 4/7/13

• 10:55 PM, 4/7/13

Willow, I know I give your fashion sense a lot of shit, but I am digging your hair right now

• 11:00 PM, 4/7/13

• 11:03 PM, 4/7/13

• 11:05 PM, 4/7/13

• 11:10 PM, 4/7/13

so here’s a question…

do voldemort and evil harry potter just chill in the sex dungeon all day?

I remember being nine and a sex dungeon would have held my attention for five or ten minutes tops

• 11:13 Pm, 4/7/13

bitches are talking about change more than an Obama campaign

• 11:20 Pm, 4/7/13

“Those furry bodies and their sticky webs. And what do they need all those legs for anyway?”

– file under “Times I Could Not Tell If Willow Was Discussing Spiders Or Dudes”

• 11:23 PM, 4/7/13

giles just came stumbling out of the back room like a confused panda

• 11:26 PM, 4/7/13

Wendell: They’re not insects, they’re arachnids.

Xander: They’re from the middle east?

Me: Thank God you’re pretty.

• 11:27 PM, 4/7/13

• 11:30 PM, 4/7/13

yeah

no

• 11:35 PM, 4/7/13

OKAY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

so not only did ponytail weirdo say that he “loves spiders but they hate me” but he also just said that he had a huge collection of spiders when he was a kid

a collection that contained black widows

UM

WHAT

• 11:38 PM, 4/7/13

apparently Wendell’s spider nightmares started after his brother accidentally killed his spider menagerie

here’s a theory:

maybe in reality your parents murdered them while you were away because you were keeping black widows in the house like a goddamn lunatic

• 11:45 PM, 4/7/13

it’s hard to concentrate on a test when mark david chapman is your teacher

• 11:47 PM, 4/7/13

ruh roh

JGL’s got some creeper music playing and is all lit up like Touched By An Angel

someone’s gonna die

• 11:50 PM, 4/7/13

• 11:55 PM, 4/7/13

• 11:59 PM, 4/7/13

• 12:05 AM, 4/8/13

oh giles

of course it’s your nightmare to not be able to read

• 12:08 AM, 4/8/13

• 12:10 AM, 4/8/13

whoa, Buffy’s dad is telling her that her parents’ divorce was her fault

• 12:15 AM, 4/8/13

“We should split up, it’ll be faster.”

“Faster? But probably not safer.”

YES, WILLOW. THANK YOU.

GOD

• 12:17 AM, 4/8/13

• 12:22 AM, 4/8/13

• 12:27 AM, 4/8/13

The Candy Chronicles Part 2 (ft the dumbest human alive)

• 12:30 AM, 4/8/13

so baby JGL was beaten into a coma after a baseball game

damn

this is a dark version of Angels In The Outfield

• 12:35 AM, 4/8/13

• 12:37 AM, 4/8/13

well, her nightmare is more specifically becoming a geisha for Rob Reiner

• 12:42 AM, 4/8/13

The Candy Chronicles Part 3 (or “Xander, You Beautiful Idiot)

• 12:45 AM, 4/8/13

why is there plastic sheeting up EVERYWHERE

IS THAT ALSO SOMEONE’S NIGHTMARE

• 12:50 AM, 4/8/13

oh my god

one of giles’ nightmares is that buffy dies

ow, my heart hole

• 12:54 AM, 4/8/13

yes, giles

scream at the child in a coma

• 1:00 AM, 4/8/13

• 1:05 AM, 4/8/13

okay so they woke the kid up by making him face his fear and apparently it was his little league coach that beat him up like that

that’s some traumatic shit right there

• 1:06 AM, 4/8/13

and thus we signal the end of the episode by returning everyone their original, horrible outfits

• 1:10 AM, 4/8/13

wait, I just realized they never explained this:

was…

was the clown a nazi clown or

• 1:12 AM, 4/8/13

okay, that was fun but to bed I go

goodnight

don’t let the nightmare nazi clowns bite

---

Episode 11: Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight

• 9:20 PM, 4/8/13

I just found out that Duck Dynasty isn’t just a duck version of Meerkat Manor

• 9:25 PM, 4/8/13

I should work on my spec script which is why I’m gonna liveblog another episode of buffy

YOLO OR WHATEVER

• 9:26 PM, 4/8/13

yaaaay, everyone’s favorite teenage misanthrope!

also, my roommate said that the last two episodes of this season are “when it gets better”

uh, roommate

did you not see the hyena episode? shit was gold

• 9:30 PM, 4/8/13

Cordelia’s starting the episode off by hanging out with Captain America and calling him “Hellen Keller” when he doesn’t remember her eye color

• 9:33 PM, 4/8/13

“She is always hanging out with that creepy librarian in that creepy library.”

– random anonymous girl about Buffy

I gotta give them props, Buffster. They got you pegged

• 9:36 PM, 4/8/13

Okay, so part of me thinks it’s almost out of character, but the rest of me is totally jazzed by the fact that Cordelia has opinions on The Merchant Of Venice

I mean, they’re stupid opinions

but still

• 9:40 PM, 4/8/13

• 9:43 PM, 4/8/13

I know they’re discussing bangin’ chicks but

uh

right

• 9:45 PM, 4/8/13

• 9:48 PM, 4/8/13

“hey guys, should we show that this bat is floating around on it’s own for more than a two-second shot”

“NO, WE BLEW ALL OUR MONEY ON THAT SWEET WASP SHOT LAST WEEK, JUST BEAT THE KID WITH IT AND STAY OUT OF FRAME”

“…okay”

• 9:55 PM, 4/8/13

OH MY GOD

WILLOW’S GOT ONE OF THOSE WAXY FRUIT JUICE THINGS

• 9:58 PM, 4/8/13

willow and xander are all kinds of fucked up on waxy fruit juices

AND NONE FOR BUFFY SUMMERS BYE

• 10:05 PM, 4/8/13

• 10:07 PM, 4/8/13

okay, I call bullshit

• 10:10 PM, 4/8/13

I’m having a weird flashback

• 10:10 PM, 4/8/13

• 10:15 PM, 4/8/13

whoa

they just broke out the weird Lifetime Movie flashback filter

• 10:16 PM, 4/8/13

Okay, I’m gonna predict it now:

bitch is invisible and she either wants to help or hurt Cordelia’s chances with the Spring Flingitty Flammitty or whatever it’s called

• 10:20 PM, 4/8/13

• 10:24 PM, 4/8/13

okay, it is clearly very late at night

the only place we’ve seen giles sleep is in his office

does he even have a home

• 10:27 PM, 4/8/13

GUESS WHO’S BACK

BACK AGAIN

ANGEL’S BACK

TELL A FRIEND

• 10:30 PM, 4/8/13

it’s kind of hilarious watching these two interact

can they just have like a buddy cop comedy spin-off

• 10:32 PM, 4/8/13

uhhhhhhhhhhhh

is Angel flirting with Giles using the power of books?!

• 10:35 PM, 4/8/13

HOLY SHIT, CLEA DUVALL?

be still my vagina

• 10:37 PM, 4/8/13

aw man, clea duvall just got hardcore aggressively ignored

that was actually legitimately heartbreaking and I have zero snarky things to say about it

all I can do is solemnly pour out a waxy fruit drink for all of my fellow ladies who went through high school feeling like that

• 10:43 PM, 4/8/13

let’s pretend I’m still funny

• 10:49 Pm, 4/8/13

okay, I had a moment when buffy was crawling through the ceiling where I was super afraid clea duvall was going to have a spit cavern like that shape-shifter freakshow from the first season of x-files

but no

it’s just a bed

• 10:52 PM, 4/8/13

CLEA, NO

YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS

• 10:55 PM, 4/8/13

wow, is cordelia being helpful and compassionate?

misanthrope no mo

• 10:58 PM, 4/8/13

I like when Giles explains something only to be met with blank stares, and he just looks at them all like

• 11:32 PM, 4/8/13

SHIT IS GETTING REAL

• 11:35 PM, 4/8/13

• 11:37 PM, 4/8/13

okay Angel, you saved Giles’ life

you get to take a step up from the worst

for now

• 11:40 PM, 4/8/13

I wanna say good job angel

• 11:45 PM, 4/8/13

the fbi is here?!

WHAT?!

ALSO WAY TO SHOW UP LATE TO THE PARTY, GUYS

IT’S NOT LIKE ANY TEENAGE GIRLS’ FACES WERE ABOUT TO GET CUT UP

• 11:47 PM, 4/8/13

So Agent Sweaty and Agent Defoe are gonna take Clea DuVall and, like, “rehabilitate” her

I know what that means

I’ve seen Heroes

• 11:50 PM, 4/8/13

I can’t believe we’ve gone 11 episodes without an overalls sighting

bing bong

that’s the overalls gong

• 11:55 PM, 4/8/13

it’s a class… full of invisible students

aka the cheapest filming day in the history of filming days

• 11:58 PM, 4/8/13

• 12:10 AM, 4/9/13

I think I’m done liveblogging for tonight since I took extra long, what with my pizza and roosterteeth break

I guess the biggest developments are that I kinda love Cordelia now and I think I’ll start liking Angel more if he and Giles just keep hanging out and being awkward together

I can’t believe I’ve done this for almost the entire first season

I might keep doing it, though I may start just doing… episode summaries or something since people are now starting to harass me about watching them with me in realtime and I feel like a butt for being like “I’M GONNA PAUSE THIS A MILLION TIMES PER SECOND TO FIND THE PERFECT SCREENCAP YAAAAY”