Episode 10: Nightmares
- 10:30 PM, 4/7/13
I have made an important discovery:
apparently on amazon you can buy 2 lbs of live earthworms
that’s around 1000 earthworms
….which obviously means I could buy 2 lbs of earthworms and anonymously send them to someone
- 10:32 PM, 4/7/13
why do I get the feeling that this episode is going to freak me out
- 10:35 PM, 4/7/13
buffy, I feel like you should 100% not be in this sex dungeon
(these dark screencaps look like hot garbage so you’ll just have to trust me: she is totally in a weird sex dungeon)
- 10:37 PM, 4/7/13
I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that, seeing as this episode is called “Nightmares” then probably a lot of this shit is a dream
- 10:43 PM, 4/7/13
okay, I’m sorry
but those lacy pillows look mad uncomfortable
you’d wake up with lines and shit all over your face
- 10:45 PM, 4/7/13
OH SHIT
WE HAVE A MENTION OF MR. BUFFY’S DAD
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
- 10:49 PM, 4/7/13
YAAAY
MY FAVORITE TEENAGE NARCISSIST!
- 10:53 PM, 4/7/13
it was nice of a young steven seagal to make the effort to travel through time for a cameo
- 10:55 PM, 4/7/13
Willow, I know I give your fashion sense a lot of shit, but I am digging your hair right now
- 11:00 PM, 4/7/13
- 11:03 PM, 4/7/13
I dunno, I went to public school and I think that was pretty par-the-course for used textbooks
- 11:05 PM, 4/7/13
high school was a wacky time
- 11:10 PM, 4/7/13
so here’s a question…
do voldemort and evil harry potter just chill in the sex dungeon all day?
I remember being nine and a sex dungeon would have held my attention for five or ten minutes tops
- 11:13 Pm, 4/7/13
bitches are talking about change more than an Obama campaign
- 11:20 Pm, 4/7/13
“Those furry bodies and their sticky webs. And what do they need all those legs for anyway?”
– file under “Times I Could Not Tell If Willow Was Discussing Spiders Or Dudes”
- 11:23 PM, 4/7/13
giles just came stumbling out of the back room like a confused panda
- 11:26 PM, 4/7/13
Wendell: They’re not insects, they’re arachnids.
Xander: They’re from the middle east?
Me: Thank God you’re pretty.
- 11:27 PM, 4/7/13
whoa, steven seagal is gettin’ reeeeal uptight about the whole “spiders aren’t insects” thing over here
- 11:30 PM, 4/7/13
yeah
no
- 11:35 PM, 4/7/13
OKAY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
so not only did ponytail weirdo say that he “loves spiders but they hate me” but he also just said that he had a huge collection of spiders when he was a kid
a collection that contained black widows
UM
WHAT
- 11:38 PM, 4/7/13
apparently Wendell’s spider nightmares started after his brother accidentally killed his spider menagerie
here’s a theory:
maybe in reality your parents murdered them while you were away because you were keeping black widows in the house like a goddamn lunatic
- 11:45 PM, 4/7/13
it’s hard to concentrate on a test when mark david chapman is your teacher
- 11:47 PM, 4/7/13
ruh roh
JGL’s got some creeper music playing and is all lit up like Touched By An Angel
someone’s gonna die
- 11:50 PM, 4/7/13
- 11:55 PM, 4/7/13
am I the only one who thinks buffy and giles should stop going to see people at the hospital together since it seems mad sketchy?
- 11:59 PM, 4/7/13
I’m glad the “whose outfit is uglier” competition is still going
- 12:05 AM, 4/8/13
oh giles
of course it’s your nightmare to not be able to read
- 12:08 AM, 4/8/13
Buffy’s dad seems to have also graduated from The Giles School For Not Understanding Personal Space
- 12:10 AM, 4/8/13
whoa, Buffy’s dad is telling her that her parents’ divorce was her fault
- 12:15 AM, 4/8/13
“We should split up, it’ll be faster.”
“Faster? But probably not safer.”
YES, WILLOW. THANK YOU.
GOD
- 12:17 AM, 4/8/13
WHAT
- 12:22 AM, 4/8/13
- 12:27 AM, 4/8/13
The Candy Chronicles Part 2 (ft the dumbest human alive)
- 12:30 AM, 4/8/13
so baby JGL was beaten into a coma after a baseball game
damn
this is a dark version of Angels In The Outfield
- 12:35 AM, 4/8/13
apparently Willow’s nightmare is to become a geisha
- 12:37 AM, 4/8/13
well, her nightmare is more specifically becoming a geisha for Rob Reiner
which I think we can all understand
- 12:42 AM, 4/8/13
The Candy Chronicles Part 3 (or “Xander, You Beautiful Idiot)
- 12:45 AM, 4/8/13
why is there plastic sheeting up EVERYWHERE
IS THAT ALSO SOMEONE’S NIGHTMARE
- 12:50 AM, 4/8/13
oh my god
one of giles’ nightmares is that buffy dies
ow, my heart hole
- 12:54 AM, 4/8/13
yes, giles
scream at the child in a coma
i’m sure that will solve everything
- 1:00 AM, 4/8/13
- 1:05 AM, 4/8/13
okay so they woke the kid up by making him face his fear and apparently it was his little league coach that beat him up like that
that’s some traumatic shit right there
- 1:06 AM, 4/8/13
and thus we signal the end of the episode by returning everyone their original, horrible outfits
- 1:10 AM, 4/8/13
wait, I just realized they never explained this:
was…
was the clown a nazi clown or
- 1:12 AM, 4/8/13
okay, that was fun but to bed I go
goodnight
don’t let the nightmare nazi clowns bite
Episode 11: Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight
- 9:20 PM, 4/8/13
I just found out that Duck Dynasty isn’t just a duck version of Meerkat Manor
- 9:25 PM, 4/8/13
I should work on my spec script which is why I’m gonna liveblog another episode of buffy
YOLO OR WHATEVER
- 9:26 PM, 4/8/13
yaaaay, everyone’s favorite teenage misanthrope!
also, my roommate said that the last two episodes of this season are “when it gets better”
uh, roommate
did you not see the hyena episode? shit was gold
- 9:30 PM, 4/8/13
Cordelia’s starting the episode off by hanging out with Captain America and calling him “Hellen Keller” when he doesn’t remember her eye color
stay classy
- 9:33 PM, 4/8/13
“She is always hanging out with that creepy librarian in that creepy library.”
– random anonymous girl about Buffy
I gotta give them props, Buffster. They got you pegged
- 9:36 PM, 4/8/13
Okay, so part of me thinks it’s almost out of character, but the rest of me is totally jazzed by the fact that Cordelia has opinions on The Merchant Of Venice
I mean, they’re stupid opinions
but still
- 9:40 PM, 4/8/13
DAMN YOU, CONVENIENTLY-PLACE SHOWER WALL
- 9:43 PM, 4/8/13
I know they’re discussing bangin’ chicks but
uh
right
- 9:45 PM, 4/8/13
I gotta say, I’m really glad it’s not just girls that get murdered in these locker rooms
- 9:48 PM, 4/8/13
“hey guys, should we show that this bat is floating around on it’s own for more than a two-second shot”
“NO, WE BLEW ALL OUR MONEY ON THAT SWEET WASP SHOT LAST WEEK, JUST BEAT THE KID WITH IT AND STAY OUT OF FRAME”
“…okay”
- 9:55 PM, 4/8/13
OH MY GOD
WILLOW’S GOT ONE OF THOSE WAXY FRUIT JUICE THINGS
I WANT ONE SO FUCKING BAD NOW
- 9:58 PM, 4/8/13
willow and xander are all kinds of fucked up on waxy fruit juices
AND NONE FOR BUFFY SUMMERS BYE
- 10:05 PM, 4/8/13
- 10:07 PM, 4/8/13
okay, I call bullshit
“if it’s just attempted murder, the police leave the weapon!”
- 10:10 PM, 4/8/13
I’m having a weird flashback
- 10:10 PM, 4/8/13
giles, it’s like you’re not even trying to pretend that you’re doing your job anymore
- 10:15 PM, 4/8/13
whoa
they just broke out the weird Lifetime Movie flashback filter
what is happening
- 10:16 PM, 4/8/13
Okay, I’m gonna predict it now:
bitch is invisible and she either wants to help or hurt Cordelia’s chances with the Spring Flingitty Flammitty or whatever it’s called
- 10:20 PM, 4/8/13
now I want a waxy fruit juice and a bitchy entourage that will dress me
- 10:24 PM, 4/8/13
okay, it is clearly very late at night
the only place we’ve seen giles sleep is in his office
does he even have a home
- 10:27 PM, 4/8/13
GUESS WHO’S BACK
BACK AGAIN
ANGEL’S BACK
TELL A FRIEND
- 10:30 PM, 4/8/13
it’s kind of hilarious watching these two interact
can they just have like a buddy cop comedy spin-off
- 10:32 PM, 4/8/13
uhhhhhhhhhhhh
is Angel flirting with Giles using the power of books?!
it’s super effective
- 10:35 PM, 4/8/13
HOLY SHIT, CLEA DUVALL?
be still my vagina
- 10:37 PM, 4/8/13
aw man, clea duvall just got hardcore aggressively ignored
that was actually legitimately heartbreaking and I have zero snarky things to say about it
all I can do is solemnly pour out a waxy fruit drink for all of my fellow ladies who went through high school feeling like that
- 10:43 PM, 4/8/13
let’s pretend I’m still funny
- 10:49 Pm, 4/8/13
okay, I had a moment when buffy was crawling through the ceiling where I was super afraid clea duvall was going to have a spit cavern like that shape-shifter freakshow from the first season of x-files
but no
it’s just a bed
- 10:52 PM, 4/8/13
CLEA, NO
YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS
- 10:55 PM, 4/8/13
wow, is cordelia being helpful and compassionate?
misanthrope no mo
- 10:58 PM, 4/8/13
I like when Giles explains something only to be met with blank stares, and he just looks at them all like
“ya’ll are simple bitches”
- 11:03 PM, 4/8/13
that’s what happens when you don’t get your parents to kiss at the enchantment under the sea dance
- 11:05 PM, 4/8/13
okay, I feel for this chick
but that is some joker-level bonkers shit right there
- 11:08 PM, 4/8/13
oh my god, cordelia is so bad at asking for help or being sympathetic at all
i love her, PLEASE JOIN THEIR CREW
- 11:11 PM, 4/8/13
SHE’S SITTING AT THE TABLE OF PLOT ADVANCEMENT!
YESSSSS
- 11:13 PM, 4/8/13Cordelia just gave the “pity me, I’m popular but still capable of being lonely speech” which I normally am like “yaaaaaawnzies” but I actually found it compelling?
what is this character doing to me
- 11:20 PM, 4/8/13
- 11:30 PM, 4/8/13
no child left behind is getting extreme
- 11:32 PM, 4/8/13
SHIT IS GETTING REAL
LIKE SOMEONE’S-ABOUT-TO-GET-THEIR-FACE-CUT-OFF REAL
- 11:35 PM, 4/8/13
i like that xander still has time to be sassy in spite of noxious gas inhalation
- 11:37 PM, 4/8/13
okay Angel, you saved Giles’ life
you get to take a step up from the worst
for now
- 11:40 PM, 4/8/13
I wanna say good job angel
but I moreso wanna ask if you actually possess more than one outfit
- 11:45 PM, 4/8/13
the fbi is here?!
WHAT?!
ALSO WAY TO SHOW UP LATE TO THE PARTY, GUYS
IT’S NOT LIKE ANY TEENAGE GIRLS’ FACES WERE ABOUT TO GET CUT UP
- 11:47 PM, 4/8/13
So Agent Sweaty and Agent Defoe are gonna take Clea DuVall and, like, “rehabilitate” her
I know what that means
I’ve seen Heroes
- 11:50 PM, 4/8/13
I can’t believe we’ve gone 11 episodes without an overalls sighting
bing bong
that’s the overalls gong
- 11:55 PM, 4/8/13
it’s a class… full of invisible students
aka the cheapest filming day in the history of filming days
- 11:58 PM, 4/8/13
I’m glad the guide to assassinating people really just boils down to beatles lyrics
- 12:10 AM, 4/9/13
I think I’m done liveblogging for tonight since I took extra long, what with my pizza and roosterteeth break
I guess the biggest developments are that I kinda love Cordelia now and I think I’ll start liking Angel more if he and Giles just keep hanging out and being awkward together
I can’t believe I’ve done this for almost the entire first season
I might keep doing it, though I may start just doing… episode summaries or something since people are now starting to harass me about watching them with me in realtime and I feel like a butt for being like “I’M GONNA PAUSE THIS A MILLION TIMES PER SECOND TO FIND THE PERFECT SCREENCAP YAAAAY”
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